I’m pretty sure he’d aware of the term “friends with benefits” He’s not that stupid. I keep trying to tell him and he’s just being a dick about it. It’s diminishing what little chance I had with him.
I’m still with the whole spill your faggot feelings and everything will be alright but you don’t seem too into that.
He’s not into me anymore. God. I cant have a conversation either of you without having to explain myself. He thinks you and I are together and you think He and I are together. It’s getting old.
Can’t exactly blame him. Your dick ends up in my vag on a regular basis.
That’s just how he is. he’s just… smiley. He’s not into me. Not by a long shot. We’re just friends.
Bitch please. -eye roll- I’ve seen him around his friends. And I’ve seen him around you. Totally different, boo boo.
That’s good. He still hasn’t fucked Ace yet? God damn it. And, things would be going good if he was in fact my man.
Hey, he sure as hell seems like he’s your man. Smiles like the god damn sun when you’re around.
Yeah. Of course. Not talking about it anymore. How’s everything else?
Everything else is… Great, I guess. Aiden’s still a huge fag. Money’s flowing… How’re things with you and your man?
So I never have to be connected to you again in any way, especially considering how of all things that could connect us, one innocent photo like that.
I have those pictures from our threesome, you psychotic bitch, I will post them. That picture was my favorite night I fucking hate that night with you. All I want is for you to come back but fuck it fuck you.
I’ll edit wikipedia and make the picture of your breasts the main one. Is that better for you, Miss Priss?
Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you go to hell.
You could do me a favor and remove that. Don’t need the press catching wind.
You fucking cunt. I still don’t know why you would do that. I thought you would stay. I hate you so much. I want you so much. Why would you bring this up.
Remove it? What for? Keeping that shit up. Makes a nice background if I ever want to feel nauseous.
Ryan wanted to do something, anything, but what could he do? he couldn’t hold her, or stork her hair. She hated that shit. All he could do was sit and listen - People liked it when you listened to them. Maybe she just needed to vent a bit and Ryan was happy to listen.
As she started to cry, Ryan reached over on his nightstand and got her a box of tissues, since he physically whipping away her tears might end up in a bloody nose. He wanted to offer her some pills to calm her down a bit, but god knows what kinds of drugs she already had in her system. He wanted to calm her, not kill her.
“Look, Cass, I’m the last person who should be giving advice seeing that I fucked up my life beyond repair, but, if I were you, and I was feeling like I was falling in love, I’d turn around and run the other way.” He readjusted himself so he was lying flat on his back and looking up at the ceiling. “Most painful thing in the world, being in love. I rather be beaten within an inch of my life while suffering from withdrawals then fall in love again. It’s like a disease, it’ll take over your whole body and not only hurt emotionally, but physically too. So if you can, avoid it.”
Ryan sure as hell didn’t know if that was good advice, but it was how he felt, and hopefully it would help Cassandra make some sort of choice.
Advice from Ryan. God, that would be the day. Sure, the kid had had his own troubles, but to each, well, as the saying went- to each his own. Cassandra wasn’t the sort to accept any sort of help. Not from Eoin. Not from the police, from Maria, from anyone.
She didn’t think she deserved it. And- what was more, she didn’t care enough.
‘Look, Cass, I’m the last person who should be giving advice-‘ Cassandra snorted and rolled her eyes, looking to him through narrowed eyes, the drugs were weighing in and she sighed heavily, ‘seeing that I fucked up my life beyond repair, but, if I were you, and I was feeling like I was falling in love, I’d turn around and run the other way.’
Which is what she had tried to do. But- it seemed as if that shit backfired.
‘Most painful thing in the world, being in love.’ Cassandra snorted, rolling her eyes. Wasn’t that the truth. ‘I rather be beaten within an inch of my life while suffering from withdrawals then fall in love again,’ she took a deep breath and shook her head, closing her eyes and gulping deeply. ‘It’s like a disease, it’ll take over your whole body and not only hurt emotionally, but physically too. So if you can, avoid it.’
Cassandra nodded, sitting up once more and running a hand through her knotted, almost nappy hair, tears dotting her eyes. “Yeah- just. Just yeah,” she hated this, hating feeling so fucking vulnerable in a way that she didn’t even understand, “I fucking- fuck,” a short sob almost escaped her throat, only almost. She cut it off and curls up, pulling her legs up to her chest, along with the blanket, “I didn’t fucking want this, Hunt. Fucking hell,”
Ryan mimicked her movements and lied down beside her. He just wanted to let her know she was there, next to her if she needed anything. He studied her face as she began to talk - her face was getting red, her eyes began to welt up with tears, voice beginning to crackle - she was going to cry. She was going to cry and Ryan had no clue what he was going to do. He figured he’d hug her but she didn’t like to be touched in a non-sexual way for too long. Maybe another kiss? But maybe that would be too much?
Cassandra began to talk about her new piercings and how something was too real. he pieced it together and figured something happened between her and that Trevena chick she was seeing. He knew because he knew about something being too real. The too real first kiss he had with Tony, the too real destruction of his walls for Tony, and the too real heart break he got when he realized Tony didn’t love him anymore, or at all for that matter. It was painful. Reality was painful. It was the reason he started to do drugs, so he didn’t have to face reality or the pain, and he didn’t want that for Cassandra.
He wanted to tell her that reality can be good sometimes and that she should slowly embrace it and try to talk to Trevena. That was what was expected to be said, the text book response. But he wanted to protect her from reality. He didn’t want her to go through the pain of letting someone in and have them leave - soul stripped naked and bare. She didn’t need that.
“I know… ‘Real’ is the worst. Fuck it I say.” He couldn’t help but feeling hipocritical once he said it because he had left his safe world of narcotics in hopes of returning to reality. But he was just a lost cause, sucked so far into reality that his masochistic self wouldn’t let him stop. It was worse then any drug or withdrawal he had been on, and he just didn’t want Cassandra to have to feel it too.
Reality was too much for Cassandra, and she’d never been one to go through with things she didn’t like. She didn’t like her family, so she cut herself off from them when she was finally old enough. A runaway at sixteen but caught by the police, shipped back to her father and back to his too-rough hands, his dirty smile- back to her grandparents, emotionally abusive and all too absorbed into the bible, back to her absent mother and her brainwashed siblings—
Nothing was easy. So she left that life behind and tried not to think of it. So what if she had her mother’s habits? So what? No one cared. Destruction of the self was Cassandra’s forte.
“Too real,” she repeated, a hand wiping away at the tears that had fallen, flicking them off of her skin and rubbing at her already red cheeks. Once flushed with the glow that came after fucking someone, they were then blotchy and obviously the remains of someone’s crying.
“I liked her, y’know,” she said, as if that wasn’t already obvious, “Dunno. Something about her just- I got it. I got it. I got her.” Cassandra heaved a sigh and closed her eyes, blinking away tears and trying to not cry. She hated the feeling, hated the way her throat closed up and everything felt wrong. She turned over and looked to Ryan, examining his features and moving closely to him, pressing her lips to his, “Almost thought myself in love. Only been foolin’ round with the cunt for a few months- and it was so much better than anything with America. It was different. And great.”
By the time they were finished, Ryan had been fucked sober. He was half sober for the last round and just wanted to curl up into a ball, but he knew he couldn’t. Cassandra needed him and she was more important than himself. He didn’t even have his after sex cigarette because he wanted to make sure she was alright.
Ryan wasn’t very good at comforting people. He was usually the one being comforted, the one crying. A few months back when he needed it, Cassandra was there and she comforted him as well as she could. Even though he didn’t even know why she was upset he knew it was his turn, and he was going to try his damnedest to help her. Hell, he made people smile on the time, it was currently his only joy in life. Maybe he could do it for her too. He owed her at least the ol’ collage try.
He sat up with Cassandra, blanket carefully draped over his lap. He brushed the hair out of her face and placed a gentle kiss on her temple - just doing things he’d want someone else to do for him. He hated seeing her like that, but hearing the whimpers come from her mouth broke his fucking heart.
“Is there anything else I can do for you, Cass?” he asked softly. “Anything at all. Just name it.” Just please don’t cry. I don’t think I can handle it. I’m not good at this. Fuck.
Her arms didn’t feel like enough, she didn’t feel like enough, she didn’t feel like she was there at all. Ryan’s hands moved towards her and her unruly hair was pushed out of her face, making her suck in a breath as a cause of the sudden movement, uncalled for and surprising, but not exactly unwanted.
It wasn’t often that she welcomed soft touches, much less from someone who wasn’t Eoin. But, then again, she didn’t like to bother Eoin with such things. When she was upset, when she was beyond upset, when she was raging and screaming and ballistic, there were only certain things that could bring her down, that could tether her back to reality and actuality and everything that was real.
And Eoin could offer none of those things.
‘Is there anything else I can do for you, Cass?’ Ryan’s voice piped up, and Cassandra merely swallowed, letting her arms fall from covering her body, leaving it bare for Ryan to see. It wasn’t as if he would care. And- pah. Caring. What was the point of that any more? ‘Anything at all. Just name it.’
Cassandra leant back, her body against the pillows once more, hair sprawled out and wetness pricking at her eyes, “You know, I really wouldn’t have had a fucking problem taking them out,” she said, talking about her new piercings. “It was more like- it was getting too real. And I can never do real.” Her throat felt tight again and her body felt hot in all the wrong ways- heated streaks falling down the side of her face, “Way too fucking real. Too much, y’know?”
When it came to emotions or relationships, Cassandra wasn’t the greatest at them. With a past such as hers, it was understandable, but- she still wished, she wished very hard, that she could change it. She knew that she wasn’t exactly the best person in the world, that she was loud and crass and rude and disgusting and she very well knew that no one was going to end up falling in love with her.
And who in their right mind would’ve? She’d have called them crazy and left them in a heartbeat.
All she wanted was- well. She didn’t know.
She just knew that a lot of alcohol, a lot of drugs, and a lot of sex later, she would feel better.
So, that’s exactly what she went after. She got high, she got the booze, and she got onto the bus and took her intoxicated ass over to Ryan’s dorm room.
They fucked. That much was an understatement. They got as smashed as could be (not enough) and fucked. Round 1. Round 2. Round 3. Round 4. And Cassandra didn’t want anymore. She didn’t want this, didn’t want this dull ache that seemed to radiate from her centre, she didn’t want this god damn fucking feelings, she just wanted to be numb again.
Cassandra sat up, blankets at her middle, chest bare. She wrapped her arms around her, hating how naked she felt. She was always comfortable with her body, not that she liked it, but she was comfortable. Who cares what people saw, who cares who saw the scars, the track marks, who cared about anything.
She leant forwards, hair falling into her face and throat feeling as if it was going to close up. “Fuck- fuck- fuck,” her voice finally came to her, leaving her throat and sounding almost like a whine. She hated it. She hated it.
[text] Oh yeah, baby. Me and Ryan. We’re headed to Vegas and getting /hitched, bitch!!!!!/ Pft. Stop being such a clingy cunt. Stop replying. This is done. We’re done.
[text] Fuck off. Just /fuck off./ Buy yourself a new boyfriend- girlfriend- whatever the fuck it is you want.
[text] Alright then Aeryn Trevena. Take this text message as Cassandra Rosalynn Zieliński breaking up whatever the fuck it is that this was.
[text] Babe, half of the other scars were willingly inflicted. And I never said I fucking wouldn’t, I just- fuck. What’s the word. Acknowledged that /you/ wouldn’t like them.
[text] Don’t want permanent reminders of my /bullshit/? Fine then. Fine. Fucking /fine/ you /selfish cunt./ Delete my number from your phone and fly back to London.
[text] I’ve got a ton of scars, babe, what’s two more? And no- I took it. Bathroom myspace shot for the win, don’t you think?
[text] Why? I like ‘em. They’re pretty. And you like pretty things.
[text] Well I don’t exactly classify myself as an adult, babe…
aerynhbictrevena replied to your post: aerynhbictrevena replied to your photo: Got these…
aerynhbictrevena replied to your post: aerynhbictrevena replied to your photo: Got these…
No. No, you didn’t. You really didn’t.
Yeah, I did. Gotta learn to sleep on my back now.
Fine, Dave. I’m the only one who calls him Davey because it pisses him off and it amuses me. I’m sure you know him. Blonde, asshole, drunken idiot who sleeps with too many people for his own good.
… Now that you mention it- pretty sure I vaguely remember sleeping with someone of that nature.
Then again. I could’ve been fantasizing of myself.
Well drinking’s not new for me. This much in one sitting is. I used to go out drinking with Davey.
Davey. Is this kid five?
Well, I remember the clubs because I’ve been to them before, but the names are a little sketchy. We saw Death of a Salesman, and then we went to a few clubs and we all drank a lot.
Like a lot.
I can see that much- ain’t hard to tell with ya, not really.
Partying. A young thing like you. Fresh face. This is hilarious.
I don’t even remember. I showed them around a bunch of clubs in the city.
And you don’t remember. Whatta shame, whatta shame. Tell me, girlie. Whaddaya remember?
Rude. Noooo. A few friends came to town, and we parTAYED!
‘ParTAYED.’ Intrestin’. Where, girlie?
Pft. No. I had 6 cosmos, and 3 double shots of tequila.
Fine, Ms. Priss- smashed either way. Lookin’ for a little bit of sympathy?
It’s Firday nighT anfd I may be slighlty ineibri- intxo- drnuk.
Someone’s a light weight.
Great friend? Hell yeah I’m a fucking great friend.